Recently I watched the movie “Yes Man” with Jim Carrey. It was a fun story about a man who had decided good things were not possible for him so he would say “no” to everything and everyone in his life which made him a miserable person to be around and ultimately perpetuated his belief that he was undeserving of a fulfilling life. When Jim Carrey’s character has a dramatic encounter with a personal development guru, he promises to say “yes” to every request and opportunity that comes his way resulting in some hilarious consequences and of course concludes with a happy ending. Watching this movie made me feel good and it reminded me of how good it feels to say “yes” to life. It also reminded me of an advertisement for a homebuilder I had noticed earlier this year that used the statement “Welcome to Yes!” to get the reader’s attention. It certainly caught my attention and I even cut the words out because I liked the way the words made me feel when I saw them. In the midst of the economic downturn and frequent bad news, seeing these words actually made me feel better!

It’s kind of funny how one little word, “yes”, can impact your emotions and make your life better. The positive energy this little word carries is so powerful and life transforming; yet we don’t use it as much as we could. Our ability to say “yes” to people, opportunities and life appears to be hindered by all of the reasons we should say “no”. We don’t believe we have enough money or enough time, perhaps we believe we may get hurt either physically or emotionally or we perhaps we are afraid we may not have the ability or know how to do something we say “yes” to. Where does this come from? I guess you could say it starts at a very early age. When we are young it is our parents’ responsibility to protect us so as a child we hear the word “no” a lot. At that time it seems to be in our best interest mostly to keep us safe from harm. We hear things like – “No, don’t touch that”; “No, don’t run”; “No, you can’t have dessert”; “No, you can’t go to that party” or “No, you don’t have permission to date yet”. We get somewhat conditioned to hear “No” and consequently we begin to say “No’ a lot to ourselves and others. It seems only natural. Yet, we miss out on the power that comes with “yes”.

Pay attention to yourself this week and do a “Yes Check”. See if you can catch yourself saying “yes”. Take note of how often you are using “no” and see if you can find a way to reframe the “no” into a “yes”. For example, what if your child ask you for a new toy – instead of saying “no you don’t need one”, reframe it by saying “yes you can as soon as you save enough allowance”. Another example would be if a friend asks you to go out for a dinner that you can’t afford – you could say “Yes, I would love to spend time with you – how about we take a walk and then go for ice cream”. There are a lot of ways to reframe “no” into “yes” – consider it a fun challenge, get creative and discover how much more fulfilling. Remember, the more you say “yes”, the more you get “yes” back!

Be “Welcome to Yes!” - become a “Yes Man (or person)” and embrace the possibilities life has in store for you.

Waiting for spring to finally arrive has me thinking a lot lately about “patience” and how hard it is sometime to wait. The final vestiges of winter held on tightly leading us to wonder if spring would come at all this year - although certainly we know it would eventually – but we didn’t want to wait any longer. Similarly, our country’s economic status has also tested our ability to wait patiently for good news and better days ahead. Having patience in good times is hard enough, having patience in uncertain times can seem unbearable.

Recently a colleague in the midst of job search shared with me the story of the Chinese bamboo tree as a lesson in patience. It seems that once a bamboo seedling has been planted, the gardener will lovingly care for it, water it, tend to it, making sure it has proper sunlight to grow. Yet even after a year’s time, the plant will look the same with no visible growth at all. Even after the second, third and fourth year of watering, tending and caring for the tree it will look the same. Suddenly, as if by magic, in the fifth year it will begin to grow. In fact, it will grow two and a half feet a day until in six weeks it will reach ninety feet. Why this sudden growth? This sudden growth occurs because during its first five years it develops miles and miles of roots beneath the ground. Though no growth is visible, the foundation has been established and strengthened making the extraordinary growth possible.

Life is often like growing a Chinese bamboo tree. Sometimes it is discouraging. We seemingly do things right yet nothing happens. We pay the price, prepare the soil, plant and water yet nothing happens. There can come a point when we would like to just give up and forget about it. However, take heart in remembering that just as with the bamboo tree, all of the growth has been underground. The roots we have been nurturing have created an extensive network that will sustain and nurture our explosive growth. Like the gardener, be patient, do things right, don’t give up and rewards will follow!

How successful are your feeling these days? How do you measure your success? The official definition of success is the achievement of something desired, planned or attempted. If at first you don’t succeed or achieve your desired outcome do you “try, try again” as the saying goes or do you give up and let go of your desires? Did you know that it took Thomas Edison over 5,000 experiments before he was successful at finding the best material for the light bulb? When a young reporter interviewed Edison and asked him how he could continue to try to invent the light bulb when he had failed over 5,000 times, Mr. Edison replied “Young man, I have not failed 5,000 times.  I have successfully discovered 5,000 ways that do not work and I do not need to try them again.” Can you imagine trying that many times to do anything? What if Edison had given up after 100, 500 or even a 1000 tries (I know I would have) - how much longer would our civilization have lived in the “dark”, literally?

No one really wants to fail—especially in our achievement oriented culture. Failure seems to be identified with losing and unless we are losing weight, losing is really unacceptable in a society that thrives on competition and winning. If we try something and fail we may be called a “loser”. However, as we learn from Thomas Edison, failure is completely necessary in order to learn and ultimately succeed. Perhaps “learn” is the key word here. What if we measured our achievement and ultimate success by what we learn during our attempts to achieve our desired outcome? Taking note again from Mr. Edison, he said that he successfully discovered 5,000 ways that did not work and he didn’t need to try them again. What if we reframed the concept of our “failed attempts” and began to view them as strategies that we “successfully discovered” didn’t work? I am not sure if I would attempt to discover 5,000 ways that don’t work, but I would certainly be inspired to try harder if I felt I was on a discovery mission.

What do we and the world we live in miss out on when we let go of our dreams and desires because we are afraid of failure. How many inventions have not been made because someone got tired of failing and gave up on a dream? How many medical breakthroughs were just one “successful discovery” away when abandoned? If you have not yet achieved what you are working toward and desire although you have attempted it many times—do “try, try again”. Don’t give up – there is too much at stake both for you and others. Measure your success by what you are learning and discovering along the way and remember, success is not necessarily the absence of failure it is often the result!

It is officially spring (at least according to the calendar) and with spring little signs of hope within the world of nature seem to be everywhere. The buttercups have bloomed along with the beautiful pear trees and the ground is beginning to be covered once again with the bright green blades of grass. These are sure signs that no matter what is happening in our own personal lives or in the current economic picture, the cycles of nature will go on – no matter what!

As we so often turn to nature for comfort and answers in our lives, spring offers a wonderful opportunity for us to focus on and find signs of hope that can shore us up and keep us going during uncertain or difficult times. Emily Dickenson once wrote:

‘”Hope” is the thing with feathers – that perches in the soul- and sings the tune without the words – and never stops – at all.”

Did you know that according to Greek mythology, when Pandora opened Pandora’s Box she let out all the evils except one: hope. Apparently, the Greeks considered hope to be as dangerous as all the world’s evils. But without hope to accompany all their troubles, humanity was filled with despair. It was a great relief when Pandora revisited her box and let out hope as well

It is hard to imagine our world without hope—the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. For when one does lose hope, anxiety and depression can result and indeed sometimes our own will to live gives way. Whether we hope passively and wish for something to happen or we are active with our hope and plan a course of action— hope is eternal, everlasting and live giving.

What are you hoping for these days—a new job, a new love or perhaps just better days. Whatever you hope for, do not despair, know that it is on the way to you. All you have to do is look outside the window – signs of hope are everywhere. Today, allow yourself the luxury of taking a walk (even it if is just to the mailbox). On your way be intentional about identifying all of the signs of hope that nature provides. Play a game with yourself or engage a friend or your child to keep count of how many signs of hope you can identify. You may be surprised - at the very least you will feel better and perhaps a little more hopeful.

Celebrate spring and the eternal hope it provides. Be inspired by the words of Monroe Forester who reminds us that -“Hope is always available to us. When we feel defeated, we need only take a deep breath and say, “Yes,” and hope will reappear. Hope does spring eternal!

Take a look above at the name and description of this regular column – it is called “Bright Spots – A Place to Find Information and Inspiration for Your Life”. The concept of this column is to provide positive, life-affirming reflections for the reader that will literally “brighten” your day and your life. In light of the recent economic realities, it has become increasingly apparent that as a country, as a society, as a community we are all in need of as many “bright spots” that we can get. So from now on this column will highlight some real “bright spots” from everyday life right here. This will be the place to come to read about all of the good stuff, the success stories that are happening right here all around us. Because there is good stuff happening – it just doesn’t make the news like the bad news does.

Just today three “bright spots” illuminated my day. I learned about an elderly person’s medical bill that was forgiven; a friend who got a great job after many months of searching and a client who was asked for an interview for a dream job.

For a moment I found it hard to believe that we were in any kind of a recession or unemployment crisis. The positive energy that I received from hearing about these “bright spots” created a momentum of their own and made my workday more productive and enjoyable.

Bright spots are always there, but often they are overshadowed by fear and anxiety so they are harder to find. For some reason it seems we can always identify what is “not working” or what is “not there” easier than we notice what “is working” and what “is there”. This rings true especially in our thoughts and feelings about ourselves. We tend to notice our own faults or our weaknesses more readily than strengths. Much of the time when we look at a situation, a problem or at our own lives, we can readily identify what “isn’t there”- what is missing instead of what “is there”. We completely miss the “bright spot”.

Imagine that it is nighttime and you are outside looking at the dark sky. At first, as you look around all you may notice is how vast the darkness seems – it is hard to see anything because it is dark. But as your eyes move up toward the sky, something catches your eye – a tiny spot, a flicker of light – it is a star shining so brightly through the darkness that you can see it from thousands of miles away – it is a “bright spot”. As your attention focus on that one star, suddenly you become aware of other points of light, shining stars, “bright spots” covering the sky.

This week, practice noticing the “bright spots”. Be a detective on a mission of finding or collecting as many “bright spots” as you can. Once you start noticing them they will pop up everywhere and soon you will be surrounded by positivity and light.

February is a good time to reflect on kindness. The official definition of the word “kind” is to be of a friendly, generous, or warm hearted nature. It is to show sympathy or understanding and to be charitable. As our thoughts turn to Valentine’s Day and those we love, we seem to come up with very creative and special ways to show kindness during this month to let our loved ones know how much we love and care about them. We send and make cards; buy flowers and candy; indulge in a special dinner. Wouldn’t it be nice if we were this focused on being friendly, generous and understanding all the time? Wouldn’t it be nice if we extended kindness every day?id you know that there is a World Kindness Movement? In 1996, The United States of America, along with six other countries met in Tokyo, Japan for the first World Kindness Movement conference. Together they signed a World Kindness Declaration which acknowledged “the fundamental importance of simple human kindness as a basic condition of a satisfying and meaningful life”. These countries, which have now grown to include seventeen countries, pledged to join together to build a kinder and more compassionate world. November 13 has been designated as “World Kindness Day”.

What if we choose this month, the month of Valentine wishes, to join in the World Kindness Movement and make every day “World Kindness Day”. What if we decide to do one thing every day to extend kindness to others as well as to ourselves? Several surveys involving thousands of volunteers have revealed that participating in regular, small acts of kindness is beneficial to your health, longevity and well being. Making the decision to be a little kinder will bring more pleasure and direction to your life than ever before. We live in a time of rapid change and uncertainty which creates stress. The practice of being kinder is a simple way to make your life more joyful and fulfilling - we have never heard anyone say there is too much joy in their lives! Relax, enjoy, be friendly, laugh, be playful, help others. Focus on the things you enjoy, rather than the things that annoy. This month make a decision to do one thing every day to show kindness to others (and yourself, too!). Here are some ideas to do one thing for others:

? Smile and acknowledge everyone you meet

? Clean someone’s car or home as a surprise

? Tell someone you love and appreciate them

? Donate Blood

? Offer your seat to someone

? Say “thank you”

And don’t forget to do one thing for yourself:

? Spend time doing your favorite activity

? Forgive yourself

? Send a love note to yourself

? Take a nap on a Sunday afternoon

? Focus on the moment

? Go for a walk in the middle of the day

These are just a few. Get creative – make a list now so that you are always prepared to do one thing for yourself and others every day. Keep a calendar handy too so that you can write down and keep up with all the kindnesses you extended as well as the kindnesses you received. Make this Valentine’s Day even more special by making it the day you do one thing and join the World Kindness Movement!

(Do you have a story or an example of a kindness that you received or a kindness you extended to someone that you would like to share? If so, send your story to Sbblifecoaching@bellsouth.net along with your permission to share it in an upcoming “Bright Spots”.)

January is almost over and the excitement of a new year, a new president and football play-off games is beginning to wind down. Do you need a little help finding ways to keep yourself positive and motivated to follow through on your new year’s resolutions?

Here is a really simple way to stay in the “positive vibe zone” and keep the new year buzz going strong: pay attention to the words you use when you talk. Spend some time this week noticing what kind of words you use when you speak. Do you start phrases with words like, “I don’t”, “I can’t” or “I never”. Do you find yourself using the word “no” a lot? The words that we choose to communicate with have a powerful impact on others and ultimately influence what we get back in our lives. Words are energy and most words are identified with either positive or negative energy. When you speak, you are putting out positive or negative energy or vibrations, which can either, repel or attract people and experiences. You may have heard the expressions, “she has a really good vibe” or “he can really bring a room down” to describe how someone impacts others. You get what you put out there. What are you putting out there?

The energy or vibrations associated with the words we speak not only impact who we are speaking to, they impact the speaker as well. The words we use cause us to move or act according to the vibe that our words are creating. If you begin a sentence with “I can’t” chances are you probably “won’t” because you have already put the negative energy out there. You have already convinced yourself that you can’t and therefore you will act in a way that reinforces that belief. Try changing your own belief by changing the words you use. Even if you initially believe you “can’t” do something, insert the words “I can” or “I will” as a way to change your own belief and notice the energy shift as you put our there the possibility that it “can” or “will” happen.

In the next few days, try to catch yourself using low energy words and see if you can find a high-energy way to verbalize the same thought. Example – take the phrase “I can’t afford to buy a new car” – replace it with high-energy words such as – “ I am choosing to invest in a savings account so I can buy a new car”. Notice the high-energy action words: “choosing”, “invest” and “savings”. These new words suggest that action will take place as opposed to the non-action associated with “can’t afford”. Let’s try another - “I never seem to be able to lose weight”. Note the low-energy words: “never” and “lose”. How about changing it to something like: “I am excited about starting my new health and fitness program today”. Notice the higher energy words: “excited”, “starting”, “new”

and “today”. By changing your choice of words you have shifted a belief you have which will cause you to act in a different way. Now, you have a much more “positive energy vibe” around you causing people to react differently toward you, ultimately setting the tone for something positive to happen to you in this area.

Stay in the “positive vibration zone” - pay attention to your words. Be careful of using the word “but” and find ways to use “YES” as much as possible. Use this simple strategy and be amazed by how you will light up a room and attract other positive people as well as exciting new possibilities into your life!

“YOUR WISHES COME TRUE”

As the hustle and bustle of the holiday season winds down and we look forward to celebrating a New Year, here is a question for you. What is on your wish list this year? What do you want, desire or long for that would make 2009 the “best year ever” for you. Making a wish list is fun. It may even seem a little decadent since it requires us to focus on ourselves and our own desires – not someone else’s. So, go ahead take a moment and consider “what do I wish for myself”? You can wish for anything, there are no right or wrong wishes. The sky is the limit so wish BIG!

Perhaps your wishes are related to good health and fitness, or for financial or career success. You may be wishing for a more peaceful world or economic stability. You might even be wishing for a new car or a great family vacation this year. Whatever your wishes, they are yours and they are important.

Okay, now that you have your wish list, how would you like to find a way to make them come true? We may not have a magic wand or a fairy godmother but we do have access to something that can be just as powerful. We have the ability to create an “intention” around our wishes. An intention is an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result. In this case it could be determining mentally upon your “wish” to come true. Intention implies that we have a purpose or attitude toward doing something. When we turn our wishes into intentions we are one step closer to making those wishes come true because we have already taken an action. By turning your wish into an intention you will shift from waiting for your wish to come true, to deciding that you will create something in your life that you didn’t have before. Being intentional means living your life on purpose and gives you the power to make things happen for yourself, instead of wishing and waiting.

So let’s give it a try. Take a look at your wish list. Let’s say you wished for a better body. Next to that wish, write down something like “I intend to create a body that is in better health and more physically fit” Consider what would it take to be healthier and more physically fit. What specifically could you do to make that intention a reality? Then your intention may become “I intend to create body that is in better health and more fit by taking my lunch to work and exercising 3 times a week”. Now, you have taken a wish that may have seemed liked something that was so “out there” and turned it into a decision you have made for yourself and your life.

Here are some other examples of turning wishes into intentions: From, “I wish I could afford to take my family to the beach this year” to, “I intend to create income for a family vacation by finding ways to save on monthly expenses and creating a ‘vacation fund’ that the whole family can contribute to”; from “I wish I had a job that paid better and was more fulfilling” to, “I intend to create a better job opportunity for myself by making a list of all the types of jobs I would love, updating my resume and spending one hour a day researching job opportunities”. You get the idea. Remember, to ensure your success, “write it down” and read your intention every day!

Make 2009 “the best year ever” – turn your wishes into intention. Live your life on purpose and be powerful this year!

“Let Your Values Be Your Holiday Guide”

The holidays are here! The giant wave of anticipation, preparation and celebration is upon us. You may be wondering how they got here so fast and how you will manage to get everything done to make this year’s holiday season special. There is decorating to do, there are cards to send, gifts to buy and wrap, meals to plan and prepare, houses to clean and parties to plan and attend. There is much to do in a short time. With all of this “doing”, it’s clear to see how the meaning and joy of the season may get lost.

Before all you have to do this year overwhelms you, take a moment right now to reflect and define for yourself what is most important to you about this time of year. Pave the way for a soul-satisfying celebration by getting very clear about what you

value about the holidays A value is a belief, a mission, or a philosophy that is meaningful to you. Whether you are consciously aware of them or not, everyone has a core set of values. When you are clear about what your values are, it is easier to make decisions and find fulfillment. Let your values show you the way to planning a holiday celebration that is in harmony with your deepest beliefs and most expressive of who you are as an individual.

Here is a values-clarification exercise that will help you get in touch with your core values*:

Read the following ten value statements.

• The holidays are a time to be a peacemaker, within my family and world at large.
• The holidays are a time to enjoy being with my immediate family.
• The holidays are a time to celebrate my religious and spiritual beliefs.
• The holidays are a time to exchange gifts with my family and friends.
• The holidays are a time to help those who are less fortunate
• The holidays are a time for parties, entertaining, and visits with friends.
• The holidays are a time to strengthen bonds with my relatives.
• The holidays are a time to strengthen my community
• The holidays are a time to be relaxed and renewed.

First, cross off those that have no importance to you, and add any equally important ones that are not included. Now, decide which of the remaining values is the important to you. Put a “1” beside that statement. Then find the one that is next important to you and put a “2” beside it. Continue in this manner until each sentence has been assigned a different number. Even a value that h as a low priority can still be important to you. Remember, 1 is the highest and 10 is the lowest. Also remember, there are no “right” or “wrong” answers and there are no “shoulds”. This exercise is to help you remember what is most meaningful to you about the holiday season.

There is much to accomplish over the holiday season including personal satisfaction and fulfillment. Now that you have your values clearly defined and prioritized, use them to help you make choices about how you will focus your precious resources of time, energy and money this year. Be true to your core values and let the joy and meaning of the season find YOU this year.

As you gather around the table for the Thanksgiving meal this year it’s easy to be mindful and give thanks for the many blessings your have in your life. Friends and family, nourishing and comforting food and a wonderful excuse for a lazy afternoon nap – Thanksgiving provides a glorious opportunity to express and experience gratitude.

In the last “Bright Spots”, it was noted how wonderful it would be to keep the spirit of Thanksgiving and the feeling of family and thankfulness with us all year. By cultivating an “attitude of gratitude” and expressing gratitude daily, our lives could be so much more powerful and abundant. This is because gratitude is self- perpetuating – the more we are thankful for, the more we will find to be thankful for. However, much like learning any new skill or flexing an untapped muscle, acquiring an “attitude of gratitude” requires mental discipline and dedicated practice. It requires consistent and heartfelt effort.

So as promised, here are some ideas to keep gratitude and abundance flowing into your life all year long*.

û Start a wall of gratitude – whenever you are moved by something you are grateful for, write the source of your inspiration on a Post-it note and stick it on the wall. Gradually, you will build a mosaic of gratitude with plenty to remind you of what makes your life so special.

û Use you senses – each day, pick one of your five senses to focus on. Be aware of how many gifts come to you through that single port of entry.

û Set an alarm – use your cell phone to set an alarm once, twice or three times a day. Every time it goes off stop what you are doing, and for 30 seconds, focus on something or someone that you are thankful for.

û Pay a thank you visit – Go a step further than sending a

thank you note. Deliver your message in person and experience first hand the happiness your gratitude creates.

û See their secret goodness – pick three people you like and see

regularly. For one week observe their actions and gestures through the lens of seeing their innate goodness and best intentions. Notice how this new way of seeing changes your interactions with them. Once you have practiced, try it on strangers and difficult people too.

û Flip your complaints – every time you find yourself

complaining about something, stop. Think about one thing that you are learning from the inconvenience.

û Keep grateful company – become more aware of who you

spend your time with. Surround yourself with grateful people, and you will start noticing the brighter side of life yourself.

And finally,

û Start a gratitude journal – dedicate a place to “write down” daily what you are thankful for each day. Start with five things you are grateful for outside of yourself like other people, places or things, frame them in the positive and be specific. Find a time of day that is your best time like early in the morning or before you go to bed.

Warning: be prepared to sleep better, research shows that people who cultivate gratitude sleep better than those who don’t.

So, have fun cultivating your “attitude of gratitude” – remember the more gratitude you express, the more abundant you will feel.

Happy Thanksgiving!

* body + soul Magazine November 2008