Recently I watched the movie “Yes Man” with Jim Carrey. It was a fun story about a man who had decided good things were not possible for him so he would say “no” to everything and everyone in his life which made him a miserable person to be around and ultimately perpetuated his belief that he was undeserving of a fulfilling life. When Jim Carrey’s character has a dramatic encounter with a personal development guru, he promises to say “yes” to every request and opportunity that comes his way resulting in some hilarious consequences and of course concludes with a happy ending. Watching this movie made me feel good and it reminded me of how good it feels to say “yes” to life. It also reminded me of an advertisement for a homebuilder I had noticed earlier this year that used the statement “Welcome to Yes!” to get the reader’s attention. It certainly caught my attention and I even cut the words out because I liked the way the words made me feel when I saw them. In the midst of the economic downturn and frequent bad news, seeing these words actually made me feel better!

It’s kind of funny how one little word, “yes”, can impact your emotions and make your life better. The positive energy this little word carries is so powerful and life transforming; yet we don’t use it as much as we could. Our ability to say “yes” to people, opportunities and life appears to be hindered by all of the reasons we should say “no”. We don’t believe we have enough money or enough time, perhaps we believe we may get hurt either physically or emotionally or we perhaps we are afraid we may not have the ability or know how to do something we say “yes” to. Where does this come from? I guess you could say it starts at a very early age. When we are young it is our parents’ responsibility to protect us so as a child we hear the word “no” a lot. At that time it seems to be in our best interest mostly to keep us safe from harm. We hear things like – “No, don’t touch that”; “No, don’t run”; “No, you can’t have dessert”; “No, you can’t go to that party” or “No, you don’t have permission to date yet”. We get somewhat conditioned to hear “No” and consequently we begin to say “No’ a lot to ourselves and others. It seems only natural. Yet, we miss out on the power that comes with “yes”.

Pay attention to yourself this week and do a “Yes Check”. See if you can catch yourself saying “yes”. Take note of how often you are using “no” and see if you can find a way to reframe the “no” into a “yes”. For example, what if your child ask you for a new toy – instead of saying “no you don’t need one”, reframe it by saying “yes you can as soon as you save enough allowance”. Another example would be if a friend asks you to go out for a dinner that you can’t afford – you could say “Yes, I would love to spend time with you – how about we take a walk and then go for ice cream”. There are a lot of ways to reframe “no” into “yes” – consider it a fun challenge, get creative and discover how much more fulfilling. Remember, the more you say “yes”, the more you get “yes” back!

Be “Welcome to Yes!” - become a “Yes Man (or person)” and embrace the possibilities life has in store for you.

Waiting for spring to finally arrive has me thinking a lot lately about “patience” and how hard it is sometime to wait. The final vestiges of winter held on tightly leading us to wonder if spring would come at all this year - although certainly we know it would eventually – but we didn’t want to wait any longer. Similarly, our country’s economic status has also tested our ability to wait patiently for good news and better days ahead. Having patience in good times is hard enough, having patience in uncertain times can seem unbearable.

Recently a colleague in the midst of job search shared with me the story of the Chinese bamboo tree as a lesson in patience. It seems that once a bamboo seedling has been planted, the gardener will lovingly care for it, water it, tend to it, making sure it has proper sunlight to grow. Yet even after a year’s time, the plant will look the same with no visible growth at all. Even after the second, third and fourth year of watering, tending and caring for the tree it will look the same. Suddenly, as if by magic, in the fifth year it will begin to grow. In fact, it will grow two and a half feet a day until in six weeks it will reach ninety feet. Why this sudden growth? This sudden growth occurs because during its first five years it develops miles and miles of roots beneath the ground. Though no growth is visible, the foundation has been established and strengthened making the extraordinary growth possible.

Life is often like growing a Chinese bamboo tree. Sometimes it is discouraging. We seemingly do things right yet nothing happens. We pay the price, prepare the soil, plant and water yet nothing happens. There can come a point when we would like to just give up and forget about it. However, take heart in remembering that just as with the bamboo tree, all of the growth has been underground. The roots we have been nurturing have created an extensive network that will sustain and nurture our explosive growth. Like the gardener, be patient, do things right, don’t give up and rewards will follow!

How successful are your feeling these days? How do you measure your success? The official definition of success is the achievement of something desired, planned or attempted. If at first you don’t succeed or achieve your desired outcome do you “try, try again” as the saying goes or do you give up and let go of your desires? Did you know that it took Thomas Edison over 5,000 experiments before he was successful at finding the best material for the light bulb? When a young reporter interviewed Edison and asked him how he could continue to try to invent the light bulb when he had failed over 5,000 times, Mr. Edison replied “Young man, I have not failed 5,000 times.  I have successfully discovered 5,000 ways that do not work and I do not need to try them again.” Can you imagine trying that many times to do anything? What if Edison had given up after 100, 500 or even a 1000 tries (I know I would have) - how much longer would our civilization have lived in the “dark”, literally?

No one really wants to fail—especially in our achievement oriented culture. Failure seems to be identified with losing and unless we are losing weight, losing is really unacceptable in a society that thrives on competition and winning. If we try something and fail we may be called a “loser”. However, as we learn from Thomas Edison, failure is completely necessary in order to learn and ultimately succeed. Perhaps “learn” is the key word here. What if we measured our achievement and ultimate success by what we learn during our attempts to achieve our desired outcome? Taking note again from Mr. Edison, he said that he successfully discovered 5,000 ways that did not work and he didn’t need to try them again. What if we reframed the concept of our “failed attempts” and began to view them as strategies that we “successfully discovered” didn’t work? I am not sure if I would attempt to discover 5,000 ways that don’t work, but I would certainly be inspired to try harder if I felt I was on a discovery mission.

What do we and the world we live in miss out on when we let go of our dreams and desires because we are afraid of failure. How many inventions have not been made because someone got tired of failing and gave up on a dream? How many medical breakthroughs were just one “successful discovery” away when abandoned? If you have not yet achieved what you are working toward and desire although you have attempted it many times—do “try, try again”. Don’t give up – there is too much at stake both for you and others. Measure your success by what you are learning and discovering along the way and remember, success is not necessarily the absence of failure it is often the result!